Grandpa Marcel (4 April 1921-12 July 2010)

July 12, 2010

My Mom was in chat with me a few hours ago, and she blurted out that my grandpa Marcel, her dad, died this morning in his care home in Winnipeg, where I am from. :cry:

He was 89 years old (born 4 April 1921), and having many tiny strokes, so this was probably what got him; he died peacefully in his sleep during his after-breakfast nap. My sister said my mom was sorry for blurting it out like that, and also is keeping us up to date on the arrangements. My uncle is flying in from Toronto to help out, whatever that means.

My last information on the arrangements planned in advance was that he wanted to be buried in Belgium, where he was born. He was very much interested in his family geneaology, and as I understand it, there is a cemetery in a Belgian city where many of his ancestors (The Blanchaers) are buried. I think he'd like that, but I have no idea what his most recent wishes were. If he wanted to be buried there, I hope my family will make the effort to do that for him.

I do not know at this time if that is what will happen in actuality, but if there is something like that in the works, Nath and I will make arrangements to go there for whatever is planned. Or if they want us to come to Canada, same thing. But as I said, these things were only vaguely talked about with Grandpa in life, and his wishes may have changed. My sister will let us know. She said my mom would try to phone us this evening, but we haven't heard from her yet. Probably just as well.

The good thing is that Grandpa got to see and hold his baby great-grandchildren, my sister's twins (Emily and Isaac), less than 2 weeks ago. From the brain damage from strokes, he wasn't always "engaged" with people around him, but holy crap, he looks so happy and "with it" in the photos that my sister sent when they got to visit!

Sigh.

July 13, 2010

I talked on the phone with mom today.

My family is doing exactly what I expected them to do, given their limited skill in expressing any emotion - they are doing nothing at all to honor my grandfather.

Diddly squat.

Well, except cremating him and ignoring his wishes because it would be expensive and too much trouble. This pisses me off. When I asked mom about when grandpa had said (when I was in the same room with him to hear this) he wanted to be buried in Belgium, Mom said, "Oh, I don't think he really meant it."

Convenient, eh?

My uncle, aunt and cousins have flown in from Toronto to do...nothing? And Mom does not want Nath and me to come because it would be pointless.

Is there a Darwin Award for having all the personality and emotion of a tabletop? Because this describes my family in spades. The exact same thing happened when my grandma died in 1999, except in her case she left no clear wishes. No memorial, no nothing.

Her ashes stayed in a cardboard box in my mother's closet for over 3 years. Then they finally got around to scattering them. When I die, I do not want my remains to be shut in a damned closet.

WTF?

Idiots.

I am going on Youtube to play the Mourner's Kaddish scene from Angels in America. Given my grandfather's personality, it fits nicely. Don't be afraid to laugh. I did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4H0Fi83wEWk

OK, that made me feel better.


I did want to argue with them, and I asked carefully worded questions to my mom so as to soften it...but when it came to really letting them have it, I bit my tongue. And freaked out later on, here.

But you did make me laugh. [Penelope - Carolyn told me a story about her family treating a dead relative's remains just as disrespectfully, to let me know my family wasn't the only screwed-up one. It made me laugh, as horrid as it was.]

Nath has an idea, and I'm all for it. Once they do god only knows what with the ashes - i.e. they mentioned scattering them over Grandpa's parents' graves in the Belgian cemetery in Winnipeg - he suggests that the next time the two of us go to Winnipeg, we secretly go to the cemetery, pick up some soil from the graves (just a small amount, we're not taking shovels or anything), take it back to the UK with us, and we can place it in Belgium ourselves. But we don't tell Mom or anyone until after the deed is done.

I think it would give me some peace of mind, and that was also Nath's feeling. And I think it would make Grandpa Marcel happy. [b][u][i]I will NOT tolerate my family members' deaths or remains being so disrespected![/i][/u][/b] So he was a pain in the neck, rude sometimes, self-centered and a huge imposition on my mother, but darnit, he deserves a little RESPECT!

Nath also suggested reading the Kaddish (with the special ending MWAHAHAHAHA!) when we do that.

I do not give a shit if my family reads this and is upset - they fucking well should be!