Special High Intensity Training

TO: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Special High Intensity Training

In order to assure the highest levels of quality
work and productivity from employees, it will be
our policy to keep all employees well trained
through our program of SPECIAL HIGH
INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T .) .

We are trying to give our employees more
S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you feel that you
do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. , please see
your supervisor.. You will be immediately placed
at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our supervisors
are especially skilled at seeing that you get all
the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. seriously
will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.).

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously
will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE
TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T .) .

Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T. before they
were promoted, they don't have to take S.H.I.T.
anymore, because they are all full of S.H.I.T.. already. If
you too are full of S.H.I.T. , you may be interested
in a job teaching others. We can add your name
to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of
LEADERS (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. ) .

Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH
INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G.S.H..I.T.)

PS Now send this S.H.I.T. to 5 people who
need S.H.I.T. in their life, just not the same
person who sent this S.H.I.T. To you...They have
already had enough S.H.I.T. !!!!

Mom rant

I think my mom is turning into my step-grandmother. That is, she is beginning to exhibit signs of a martyr complex, coupled with attention-seeking behaviour, and a few liberal dollops of the personality of a two year old. The most common exhibited symptoms are rage, frequent complaining, using me as an emotional dumpster and thinking that by barfing all her problems on me, it makes them "go away". And she is genuinely confused when I begin to show signs of wear at dealing with her repeated abuses (what sh sees include shortened temper, withdrawing, and crying; what she doesn't see is cutting, scratching and more crying.

But don't rely on her for a complete picture: she'll tell you there is no abuse. She is simply incapable of seeing that it is occurring. She would rather stick her head in the sand and pretend everything is peachy-keen, she feels sooo much better after having vomited all her numerous, self-inflicted troubles on me. I said to her, bfore she started talking, that the issues that are stressing her also stress m when the same horrid infomation gets passed to me without my permission. "I'm not in the mood to deal with this elective stuff, today Mom. It upsets me and stresses me out."

"Well, how do you think I feel?? I don't have an option not to deal with this. If I tellit to you, that makes it go away."

So therefore I am supposed to happily experience the many types of stress this engenders with no options myself. What the fuck are we, conjoined twins????

I have, on occasion, gotten up and walked out of the room. It is a peaceful way of ending the stress.

Her response: "Don't you dare walk away from me!"

I am 26 years old, and she think this is a statement that will work? Hell no!

(No, it does not, you spineless, snivelling brat: it just displaces the unpleasantness just as energy never disappears, only changes form.) If I don't submit, she calls me selfish!!!!!!

Today I hacked into her email, and discovered what I already knew: she treats my older sister (3 years older) completely differently. Not a single temper tantrum or ill word has ever passed between them that I have been witness not. Everything is always cheerful and pleasant.

I once tried to go to my sister for emotional support. She was Unaware there s a problem with Mom at all. SHE NEVER SEES IT. THAT'S WHY!!!!!! So, no help there.

So far, my suggestions for her self-improvement have been met with extreme resistance. I get the distinct impression that she does not want to improve, because Oh My God! That would mean makng a cange o multiple changes in her life! It would take....work! What a concept!!

1) Get a shrink, a professional with whom she can work out her insecurities and fits of rage.
Answer (whiny): "I don't want to switch to a new therapist!" [Her current therapist charges a lot of money by the hour, so she reasons that it's cheaper to vomit her trash on one of her daughters.)

2) Did I mention she's addicted to Lorazepam? She pops pills instead of dealing with a difficult situation when it crops up.

3) She's a doormat, complains incessantly about same, and then refuses to take steps so that she can get out of being a doormat. It can be done, but to her, it is too much work, and she is oh-so tired.

New Knitting Project!

This is going to be my next knitting project - a sudoku blanket! :-) Doesn't it look like fun?

Because I'm allergic to wool, I can't use the yarn called for in the original pattern.Therefore I may have to fiddle with the colors and make substitutions. The important thing will be to use the proper size of needles and an equivalent weight of wool/acrylic. All the information is on the skeins' labels.

I'm planning on kitting he squares individually, then sewing them together with clear thread. I'm not sure how to make the black edging yet, but I'm on Ravelry, so I'll probably get some great tips there.

Yay!!!

Kate's Answer - as expected.

This is the reply she sent me. I ind it insulting and abusive, and I hope this is the end to it.


My family situation is my business, as you know.
I will not apologize for any misunderstanding when it comes to that.
Re: the wedding, it is in the future and nothing has been decided.
Of all things, you bring negatitvity to that?
That is not appropriate, as you know my life is complicated, I refuse to complicate it further.
If you had had feelings of abandonment, you should have told me earlier, instead of just coming out and sending me that vicious email.
I did not, not want to see you. However, since you have sent me that message with such ugly words in it for me, that shows me that you cannot be happy for things that happen in my complicated life, my feelings have changed.
I cannot and will not be attacked for who I am and, will not be cut down for any decisions I have to make.

I cannot control when I am sick, neither can you. So, you could understand when I have a bad day, there is nothing I can do about it. IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU. I have an illness, that I have to deal with. Period.

I have all the understanding in the world for someone dealing with depression issues and such, as I have been dealing with them since I was a child. I will not, however be the punching bag if you have a bad day, or feel that I have somehow wronged you and you have let it fester to the point where it boils over.
This is not fair to me, and not fair to you either.

I wish this haad turned out some other way. I am sorry for this whole thing.

K

One Final Attempt

I have gotten some ativan into me, and with mom's help, drafted a reply. I can't stop crying.

The wedding thing was like being slapped in the face. This is a draft email, and I'll send it after I think on it for a while, and my friends at www.butyoudontlooksick.com have weighed in. I know Kate doesn't like NOT to have the last word - how childish!! - so I'm expecting anoter nasty email from her once I send this.

I know that I have done nothing wrong. This is all her.

Dear Kate,

I am sorry that you feel that way. I should have told you earlier that what has really hurt me is your deliberately telling me that I was NOT invited to your wedding, after I thought we were best friends. If you had told me that it was ONLY family that was invited, then I could understand. But as it stands now, I don't understand why I'm not invited. I also feel very sad that most of the many times that we agreed to meet did not happen. I understand that you have been diagnosed with agoraphobia, but I am hurt by the times you stood me up without telling me ahead of time. I get the feeling (prior to the email I am replying to) that you just don't want to see me anymore.

Stephanie

More abuse from Kate

I just received another email. I really don't feel very good about any of this because I know I did nothing wrong. She's never going to know about the wedding thing now.

At least I was in some fashion prepared for this.


Upon reflection.
I have not and will not put up with s-h-i-t.
I do not have to explain myself to you, or suck up.
Your words speak for themselves.
Have a good life.

p.s. I will drop off your CD without ringing the bell tomorrow.

"Everything is fine..." says the bunny. (Part XI) - hopefully this is the last post on the subject!

I wish she'd mail the thing. I gave her the option without being snotty about it. Geez...

As I've been discussing with Sarah, my mom is trying to convince me that I should "end things positively". By that she means invite Kate in for tea on Saturday and try to talk it out with her. Mom's way of thinking is founded on a certain philosophy that is not the same as mine: Give Kate a second chance. People supposedlydeserve a second chance

What she doesn;t realize is that Kate has had many "second chances". I tolerated her behaviour for a long time. I should have said right away that the wedding thing upset me, but I didn't because I was in shock.

I don't want to have Kate in. What that will do is open the door (literally) for Kate to yell at me, in my kitchen, while on m turf. I don't see why I should put myself through that. Unless she acts kindly, I'd planned on saying thank you for giving the CD back, and have done with it.

My mom doesn't understand why I won't invite Kate in. She has always been overly optimistic, and she has not read any of my BYDLS posts. All she has read are the emails I posted here; I let her read them.

Mom was sitting in the same room when Kate told me I would not be invited to her wedding. I relayed the information to her after I hung up.

I don't think she will want to come in, and I have no intention of engendering Mom's little fantasy of "making nice", when it has a good chance of making me more upset. I have already cried about this for days, when nobody was home. Kate will very likely scream at me. Why should I endure that? My mom's advice has been toxic in the past.

Last night I almost sent Kate an email to bring to her attention that she hurt my feelings by saying casually that I was not invted to her wedding.

Mom's argument is that Kate has no idea she said anything wrong, and that I am obligated to tell her she hurt my feelings. I thought I made that clear in the email.

I chose not to send it. I think Kate is aware of what she said and how extremely rude it was.

How can someone say something like that and be ignorant of the effect it will have? Either:

1) she is so self-involved she didn't realize that words have consequences, or

2) she knows and didn't give a crap.

Her outrage at my email would seem to support reason #1.

If I invite Kate in, that rewards her behaviour. I will not do it.



I really hope this is the last time I post about this topic. I'd rather post about happy things.