I have gotten some ativan into me, and with mom's help, drafted a reply. I can't stop crying.
The wedding thing was like being slapped in the face. This is a draft email, and I'll send it after I think on it for a while, and my friends at www.butyoudontlooksick.com have weighed in. I know Kate doesn't like NOT to have the last word - how childish!! - so I'm expecting anoter nasty email from her once I send this.
I know that I have done nothing wrong. This is all her.
Dear Kate,
I am sorry that you feel that way. I should have told you earlier that what has really hurt me is your deliberately telling me that I was NOT invited to your wedding, after I thought we were best friends. If you had told me that it was ONLY family that was invited, then I could understand. But as it stands now, I don't understand why I'm not invited. I also feel very sad that most of the many times that we agreed to meet did not happen. I understand that you have been diagnosed with agoraphobia, but I am hurt by the times you stood me up without telling me ahead of time. I get the feeling (prior to the email I am replying to) that you just don't want to see me anymore.
Stephanie
Saturday, February 16, 2008
More abuse from Kate
I just received another email. I really don't feel very good about any of this because I know I did nothing wrong. She's never going to know about the wedding thing now. 
At least I was in some fashion prepared for this.
Upon reflection.
I have not and will not put up with s-h-i-t.
I do not have to explain myself to you, or suck up.
Your words speak for themselves.
Have a good life.
p.s. I will drop off your CD without ringing the bell tomorrow.
At least I was in some fashion prepared for this.
Upon reflection.
I have not and will not put up with s-h-i-t.
I do not have to explain myself to you, or suck up.
Your words speak for themselves.
Have a good life.
p.s. I will drop off your CD without ringing the bell tomorrow.
Friday, February 15, 2008
"Everything is fine..." says the bunny. (Part XI) - hopefully this is the last post on the subject!
I wish she'd mail the thing. I gave her the option without being snotty about it. Geez...
As I've been discussing with Sarah, my mom is trying to convince me that I should "end things positively". By that she means invite Kate in for tea on Saturday and try to talk it out with her. Mom's way of thinking is founded on a certain philosophy that is not the same as mine: Give Kate a second chance. People supposedlydeserve a second chance
What she doesn;t realize is that Kate has had many "second chances". I tolerated her behaviour for a long time. I should have said right away that the wedding thing upset me, but I didn't because I was in shock.
I don't want to have Kate in. What that will do is open the door (literally) for Kate to yell at me, in my kitchen, while on m turf. I don't see why I should put myself through that. Unless she acts kindly, I'd planned on saying thank you for giving the CD back, and have done with it.
My mom doesn't understand why I won't invite Kate in. She has always been overly optimistic, and she has not read any of my BYDLS posts. All she has read are the emails I posted here; I let her read them.
Mom was sitting in the same room when Kate told me I would not be invited to her wedding. I relayed the information to her after I hung up.
I don't think she will want to come in, and I have no intention of engendering Mom's little fantasy of "making nice", when it has a good chance of making me more upset. I have already cried about this for days, when nobody was home. Kate will very likely scream at me. Why should I endure that? My mom's advice has been toxic in the past.
Last night I almost sent Kate an email to bring to her attention that she hurt my feelings by saying casually that I was not invted to her wedding.
Mom's argument is that Kate has no idea she said anything wrong, and that I am obligated to tell her she hurt my feelings. I thought I made that clear in the email.
I chose not to send it. I think Kate is aware of what she said and how extremely rude it was.
How can someone say something like that and be ignorant of the effect it will have? Either:
1) she is so self-involved she didn't realize that words have consequences, or
2) she knows and didn't give a crap.
Her outrage at my email would seem to support reason #1.
If I invite Kate in, that rewards her behaviour. I will not do it.
I really hope this is the last time I post about this topic. I'd rather post about happy things.
As I've been discussing with Sarah, my mom is trying to convince me that I should "end things positively". By that she means invite Kate in for tea on Saturday and try to talk it out with her. Mom's way of thinking is founded on a certain philosophy that is not the same as mine: Give Kate a second chance. People supposedlydeserve a second chance
What she doesn;t realize is that Kate has had many "second chances". I tolerated her behaviour for a long time. I should have said right away that the wedding thing upset me, but I didn't because I was in shock.
I don't want to have Kate in. What that will do is open the door (literally) for Kate to yell at me, in my kitchen, while on m turf. I don't see why I should put myself through that. Unless she acts kindly, I'd planned on saying thank you for giving the CD back, and have done with it.
My mom doesn't understand why I won't invite Kate in. She has always been overly optimistic, and she has not read any of my BYDLS posts. All she has read are the emails I posted here; I let her read them.
Mom was sitting in the same room when Kate told me I would not be invited to her wedding. I relayed the information to her after I hung up.
I don't think she will want to come in, and I have no intention of engendering Mom's little fantasy of "making nice", when it has a good chance of making me more upset. I have already cried about this for days, when nobody was home. Kate will very likely scream at me. Why should I endure that? My mom's advice has been toxic in the past.
Last night I almost sent Kate an email to bring to her attention that she hurt my feelings by saying casually that I was not invted to her wedding.
Mom's argument is that Kate has no idea she said anything wrong, and that I am obligated to tell her she hurt my feelings. I thought I made that clear in the email.
I chose not to send it. I think Kate is aware of what she said and how extremely rude it was.
How can someone say something like that and be ignorant of the effect it will have? Either:
1) she is so self-involved she didn't realize that words have consequences, or
2) she knows and didn't give a crap.
Her outrage at my email would seem to support reason #1.
If I invite Kate in, that rewards her behaviour. I will not do it.
I really hope this is the last time I post about this topic. I'd rather post about happy things.
"Everything is fine..." says the bunny. (Part X)
February 14, 2008
I sent her the following email:
Dear Kate,
As you know I am very ill & do not cope with stress very well. I feel I am your sounding board & this 'friendship' we have is very one sided. It hurts me that you don't ask how I am or if I need any help, instead you talk about yourself & all your problems. I don't have the energy to listen to & help sort out your issues as I have enough trouble with my own.
I need understanding & supportive people around me & don't feel I am getting this from my relationship with you. I need time out to do a re-evaluation on our friendship & suggest you do the same.
Mail me the English Patient CD. Here is my address:
*not posting my address here*
Sincerely,
Stephanie.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I got an email back. As predicted, she is angry at me.
*****
K, wow.
I did not know that I was that one sided. I always ask how you are doing. I ask if you are ok, and when you have a headache and you can't talk, I say ok and sign off.
That is a very strong thing to say. I have to say that now, I am hurt and angry.
I will not feel like talking to you either. I will drop off your CD on Sat after my shift.
As far as I know we laugh and laugh.
We are both short on spoons. Maybe I do not listen as much as I can, but I am very busy.
I try and laugh with you, to relieve your pain.
But really if someone does not feel that I am good enough for them, that is cool
Maybe the people on your forum listen to you more, but I do what I can. And I also remember just asking about your voice therapy.
I will drop off the CD on Sat. I am not mailing the **** thing.
I may be selfish, but I don't want to mail it.
*****
Yes, "Abby" is the very same "Kate" who I was so happy to be friends with when I first met her.
She'll probably be very angry and verbally bash me. It will hurt. I'll just take lots of ativan.
I sent her the following email:
Dear Kate,
As you know I am very ill & do not cope with stress very well. I feel I am your sounding board & this 'friendship' we have is very one sided. It hurts me that you don't ask how I am or if I need any help, instead you talk about yourself & all your problems. I don't have the energy to listen to & help sort out your issues as I have enough trouble with my own.
I need understanding & supportive people around me & don't feel I am getting this from my relationship with you. I need time out to do a re-evaluation on our friendship & suggest you do the same.
Mail me the English Patient CD. Here is my address:
*not posting my address here*
Sincerely,
Stephanie.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I got an email back. As predicted, she is angry at me.
*****
K, wow.
I did not know that I was that one sided. I always ask how you are doing. I ask if you are ok, and when you have a headache and you can't talk, I say ok and sign off.
That is a very strong thing to say. I have to say that now, I am hurt and angry.
I will not feel like talking to you either. I will drop off your CD on Sat after my shift.
As far as I know we laugh and laugh.
We are both short on spoons. Maybe I do not listen as much as I can, but I am very busy.
I try and laugh with you, to relieve your pain.
But really if someone does not feel that I am good enough for them, that is cool
Maybe the people on your forum listen to you more, but I do what I can. And I also remember just asking about your voice therapy.
I will drop off the CD on Sat. I am not mailing the **** thing.
I may be selfish, but I don't want to mail it.
*****
Yes, "Abby" is the very same "Kate" who I was so happy to be friends with when I first met her.
She'll probably be very angry and verbally bash me. It will hurt. I'll just take lots of ativan.
"Everything is fine..." says the bunny. (Part IX)
February 14, 2008
Seems like she really doesn't care. That's what hurts me.
If she doesn't want to see me anymore, why won't she blipping just say so?
Seems like she really doesn't care. That's what hurts me.
If she doesn't want to see me anymore, why won't she blipping just say so?"Everything is fine..." says the bunny. (Part VIII)
February 13, 2008
Today is Wednesday. She did not show up, and made no effort to tell me she would not be there. She could have phoned me in the morning and said so.
My head was killing me because a (pain level 7) headache started round 2:15, before my class. I'd forgotten to make sure I had gravol in my purse, so I did without and sat through class in agony with my sunglasses on. I get home and manage to get gravol into me at 4:45 pm. It took until 5:45 to kick in.
After I get home at about 4:30pm and hook my laptop back up to the internet, she pops online in MSN messenger. To complain. About herself.
Here's the conversation, verbatim, that we had on MSN. I don't like to judge people, but her own words speak to what kind of person she is. Oblivious comes to mind.
Nutmeg: Yo, Freaky Kat here.
Stephanie: yo
Stephanie: owwie here
Nutmeg: Owwie?
Stephanie: headache, gravol not working yet
Nutmeg: ahhh, had to drug myself all day so that I did not freak out totally. Just a little freak.
Stephanie: I gotta go lie down
Stephanie: too much pain
Nutmeg: Ttyl
I extrapolate from this that she stayed home because of her agoraphobia.
Today is Wednesday. She did not show up, and made no effort to tell me she would not be there. She could have phoned me in the morning and said so.
My head was killing me because a (pain level 7) headache started round 2:15, before my class. I'd forgotten to make sure I had gravol in my purse, so I did without and sat through class in agony with my sunglasses on. I get home and manage to get gravol into me at 4:45 pm. It took until 5:45 to kick in.
After I get home at about 4:30pm and hook my laptop back up to the internet, she pops online in MSN messenger. To complain. About herself.
Here's the conversation, verbatim, that we had on MSN. I don't like to judge people, but her own words speak to what kind of person she is. Oblivious comes to mind.
Nutmeg: Yo, Freaky Kat here.
Stephanie: yo
Stephanie: owwie here
Nutmeg: Owwie?
Stephanie: headache, gravol not working yet
Nutmeg: ahhh, had to drug myself all day so that I did not freak out totally. Just a little freak.
Stephanie: I gotta go lie down
Stephanie: too much pain
Nutmeg: Ttyl
I extrapolate from this that she stayed home because of her agoraphobia.
"Everything is fine..." says the bunny. (Part VII)
Just realized something.
I can't meet Abby tomorrow because I have speech therapy. I don't go to class on Mondays because I can't get from the hospital to university in time. My prof's fine with this arrangement and I get lecture notes from a classmate.
It slipped my mind when Abby was trying to reschedule.
Sigh.
...5 minutes later...
Wednesday will be fine. She was surprisingly friendly on the phone. Like nothing was wrong.
Well, she did tell me that I sounded like crap. I said it was probably the gravol. Wasn't that nice of her?
I can't meet Abby tomorrow because I have speech therapy. I don't go to class on Mondays because I can't get from the hospital to university in time. My prof's fine with this arrangement and I get lecture notes from a classmate.
It slipped my mind when Abby was trying to reschedule.
Sigh.
...5 minutes later...
Wednesday will be fine. She was surprisingly friendly on the phone. Like nothing was wrong.
Well, she did tell me that I sounded like crap. I said it was probably the gravol. Wasn't that nice of her?
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